That Borderline Life – A 2 Year Update

Well well well here we are two years later, and I must say its been a ride. I say this in my update video, and I also say I wouldn’t trade it for anything because I wouldn’t be who I am without all the bullshit I had to go through.

June 20th, 2014 I was diagnosed with BPD, Depression, and Social Anxiety Disorder. At first I was anxious about all of this, how do I deal? What meds am I gonna take? I have to see a therapist? It was a lot of questions, not enough answers.

But after getting situated with a therapist and a psychologist I was on the right path. I saw a therapist up until September of last year. Case of the overbooked and understaffed. It’s fine, I’m good.

I now see my psychologist every 6 months for a med update, which is good. My meds have me stable, and I’m able to function, I can’t complain.

Do I still have my mood swings? ABSOLUTELY! Meds aren’t a cure. I have to do the work myself, and I think a lot of people dont realize this. You can take all the meds, see all the doctors, but if you don’t actually try to be better by researching, and figuring out self -care, you wont change.

When I was first diagnosed, I was obsessed with being cured. It wasn’t an unrealistic goal, but it drove me crazy, and made me worse. I took a step back, did some re-evaluating, and realized I just want to function. If that means thing meds unit he day I die, then so be it.

As I type this, I must say I am in a really good place mentally. My head is clear, I have good distractions, I’m productive, my relationships are good, and I’m energized. I cant ask for anything more.

My goal is just to stay on this path, and learn to deal with the mood swings as they come.

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Feeling Good? I Think So!

The past couple of days have been pretty good. My emotions have been steady so I can’t complain.

The last time I saw my psychologist, he upped my depression meds, and I think they’re finally kicking in and all I can say is

F I N A L L Y!!!!!

I am now at a place mentally where Im OK. I can take OK for now, its an improvement. Its one step at a time. I will get to GOOD another day, I can’t worry about that right now.

In other news I have started a blog for all of my planning stuff. Its Planning With Kristen I have a couple of posts up now if you want to check that out.

Now back to our regular scheduled programming. I’ve realized that I can’t make myself do something, when I think I should.

Let me explain…

Now I am a HUGE advocate for mental health (obviously) and I like to bring awareness on all social media platforms. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t force this everyday. Just because I go a few days without mentioning it, doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about it.

So with that said, I had got back in to the BPD chat every Sunday, but kind of fell off again and thats OK. Nothing will happen if I miss it. I’ll just talk about it when I’m ready. Because making myself have anxiety over it, isn’t a good thing.

I’m OK and thats fine 🙂

Its Ok Not To Be Ok

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I remember when I inserted that picture into a post last year, I had no words, so I didn’t put any.

Ive never had a celebrity death affect me, ever. Anytime one died, I always wondered why people took it so hard, I couldn’t understand it. Then Robins death happened and it felt like I had been punched in the stomach and had my heart ripped from me. Not just because of his death, but the cause of it.

If you’ve followed me for a long time then you know that last year I was in a mental health facility for trying to commit suicide. and that wasn’t long before his death.

But I don’t want to make this post about me. I want to talk about how serious depression is, and how it can take over your life, the the point of taking your life.

Depression isn’t just a “bad day” or a “bad moment” it is constant bad thoughts that never leave your mind. Its this constant stress that eats away at you mentally, and eventually physically. Depression is also a liar, it will tell you that people hate you, that you’re not worthy, and you don’t deserve to be here. And rather than deal with this, we would rather take our own life, because at the time it seems better than listening to the voices in our head

People often say “suicide is a permeant solution, to a temporary problem” but how temporary is the problem, when you’ve had this problem for 20+ years? Is it really temporary then? I know people don’t mean any harm by this but it feels like a slap in the face to those of us that suffer with it daily.

All I ask is if you are suffering, to talk to someone, if you know someone who is suffering than listen to them. Its ok not to be ok. Lets end this stigma of thinking that there is something wrong with being depressed, because theres nothing to be ashamed of.

Erasing the Stigma

When most people hear that someone has a mental illness they automatically associate them with being “crazy” “unstable” “hard to be around” and will down right cut them off. This is called a Stigma, and with that stigma causes a domino effect. One person thinks it, they tell two people, those two people tell four, and so on.

My goal with this blog and my youtube channel is to erase that stigma. To let you know that just because you have a mental illness, does not mean your mental illness is you. A site that I visit called MentalHealthPlatform has lots of links on stigmas and erasing them. Here are some excerpts from the site

  1. One way to alleviate stigma is through education and by learning the facts about mental illness. This can help us talk openly and candidly about the illness, especially when comments are made that are untrue and misleading.
  1. Stereotyping, labeling, or blaming people with mental illness create a negative environment and can be demeaning and cruel.  
  2. Avoid using words like crazy, wacko, loony, or nuts, or labeling someone by their diagnosis; e.g. schizophrenic.  
  3. Treating people with mental illnesses like you would anybody else demonstrates respect for differences and dignity. 
  4. 5. Respecting the rights of all people, including those with mental illness fosters equality. People with mental illness have the same rights to housing, employment and education as everyone else and their rights are protected under law. 
  5. There are times when we feel depressed, or get unreasonably angry or overexcited. We even have periods when we think that everything and everybody is out to get us and that we can’t cope. Therefore let us combat stigma by demonstrating patience, understanding, love and support for the mentally ill, as this can happen to anyone.

 

 

People with mental illnesses are human, have feelings, and deserve the same amount of respect as anyone else. Let’s spread awareness!

 

-Kristen