That Borderline Life – A 2 Year Update

Well well well here we are two years later, and I must say its been a ride. I say this in my update video, and I also say I wouldn’t trade it for anything because I wouldn’t be who I am without all the bullshit I had to go through.

June 20th, 2014 I was diagnosed with BPD, Depression, and Social Anxiety Disorder. At first I was anxious about all of this, how do I deal? What meds am I gonna take? I have to see a therapist? It was a lot of questions, not enough answers.

But after getting situated with a therapist and a psychologist I was on the right path. I saw a therapist up until September of last year. Case of the overbooked and understaffed. It’s fine, I’m good.

I now see my psychologist every 6 months for a med update, which is good. My meds have me stable, and I’m able to function, I can’t complain.

Do I still have my mood swings? ABSOLUTELY! Meds aren’t a cure. I have to do the work myself, and I think a lot of people dont realize this. You can take all the meds, see all the doctors, but if you don’t actually try to be better by researching, and figuring out self -care, you wont change.

When I was first diagnosed, I was obsessed with being cured. It wasn’t an unrealistic goal, but it drove me crazy, and made me worse. I took a step back, did some re-evaluating, and realized I just want to function. If that means thing meds unit he day I die, then so be it.

As I type this, I must say I am in a really good place mentally. My head is clear, I have good distractions, I’m productive, my relationships are good, and I’m energized. I cant ask for anything more.

My goal is just to stay on this path, and learn to deal with the mood swings as they come.

Feeling Good? I Think So!

The past couple of days have been pretty good. My emotions have been steady so I can’t complain.

The last time I saw my psychologist, he upped my depression meds, and I think they’re finally kicking in and all I can say is

F I N A L L Y!!!!!

I am now at a place mentally where Im OK. I can take OK for now, its an improvement. Its one step at a time. I will get to GOOD another day, I can’t worry about that right now.

In other news I have started a blog for all of my planning stuff. Its Planning With Kristen I have a couple of posts up now if you want to check that out.

Now back to our regular scheduled programming. I’ve realized that I can’t make myself do something, when I think I should.

Let me explain…

Now I am a HUGE advocate for mental health (obviously) and I like to bring awareness on all social media platforms. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t force this everyday. Just because I go a few days without mentioning it, doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about it.

So with that said, I had got back in to the BPD chat every Sunday, but kind of fell off again and thats OK. Nothing will happen if I miss it. I’ll just talk about it when I’m ready. Because making myself have anxiety over it, isn’t a good thing.

I’m OK and thats fine 🙂

Manic Monday

Today was the first day of school for my girls. I was more nervous than then so last night I didn’t sleep well.

My day started at about 6:00am and I was going about 100mph. I took born of my girls to school ran some errands and killed a little bit of time before my disability appointment.

I feel it went well my moods as of the last week or so have been very low and I was so low in my appointment. I was almost on the verge of tears for reasons I can’t explain.

After I came home and made my girls dinner. Now I’m sitting here feeling like I’m going to crash. I don’t like when I crash because I’m out of it for most of the day. This can’t happen now because of school. I just need to breathe and get though it

 

-Kristen