*long exasperated sigh*
This has been a day. When I tell you I am out of it, thats an understatement. I’m walking around like a zombie just wandering around in slow motion. I’ve been overthinking everything in my life, my choices, and how I should have made better ones. When I get like this it isn’t good, because all I say is “what if?”
I’ve done some things in my life recently (last few months) that I’m not proud of, and it’s affected my marriage in the worst way I can imagine, and we’re slowly working on getting back to how we were, its a lot of work, but I’m doing everything I can to make sure we’re not in this place again.
I read an article about a woman who could not stay faithful to her husband because of her BPD and it got me thinking. I started reading more about the symptoms of BPD and women who feel abandoned whether it be fabricated or real will gravitate to the first person who shows attention.
It was like a light bulb that went off in my head, then I realized what I problem was, and now that I know, it won’t happen again.
Whether or not you have a mental illness there are always consequences when you make choices. I’m not blaming my actions on my BPD, that’s not an excuse. But I know that was a small part of it. I will get more into abandonment in another post, so you can know exactly what I mean