and it broke me…..
Now I am not new to these attacks, but that doesn’t mean I like them. I mean who would?
I have a video on this but at the time I made the video it was right after it happened and I was an emotional mess, and thought I would die right there. I am dead ass serious. I was done, I was checked out. I should not be typing this right now, honestly.
The last time I had one this bad was 2014 (the worst year of my entire life) I had a few attacks in 2015 but nothing to this severity. So how did this start?
February 6th I made the smart decision to go to Walmart, and grocery shop. This is also the day before the Super Bowl, bad decision.
The second I got into the parking lot, I knew it would be a fucking mess. I knew what would go down, and I couldn’t stop it. Thats what pisses me off about anxiety. You can see it coming a mile away, and still not be able to stop it.
I go into the store, the first thing I get is salad dressing. The moment I got it, I knew it. It was going to come. I was going to have a nervous breakdown, either in the store, or in the car. Luckily it happened in the car.
I got the rest of my items, which were only 4 other items, thankfully.
I went to the car, got in, and completely lost it. I was done. I couldn’t stop shaking, I couldn’t stop crying, I was hysterical, and all I wanted to do was go home.
I drove home, after I calmed down, and lost it as soon as I got in the house.
After this I was exhausted. No exhausted, isn’t the word. I was checked out.
Let me explain what an anxiety attack does to a person, not only a person, but a person who has depression, and BPD.
It DESTROYS YOU! It will break, every inch of you down, until you cannot take it.
I was at this point yesterday. I could have went into the bathroom room some pills and been done with it.
I have been dealing with this shit, for too fucking long. Im TIRED! Im sick of having to pick myself back up. Im tired of these mood swings, I’m tired of wondering if I should get my ass out of bed every damn day. T I R E D!
I will tell you this. Im better, better than I was but I’m not 100% it’ll take me a minute to get back to my “normal” self. Because coming back from an attack is never easy.