The week of thanksgiving I had a very relaxing week. I was sleeping in, spending time with my kids, and husband. When this past Monday rolled around we were back to our regulus ply scheduled program but multiplied by a million.
From Monday to Thursday I was going 100mph non stop. I had no down time, no time to collect my thoughts, no me time, nothing.
Thursday evening came and I was done, emotionally done. I went into my bedroom and broke down, I wasn’t ok.
I kept saying “I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok” then after a few times I finally said “I’m not ok” the. I really started falling apart.
He reason I fell apart is because I have never said out loud that I am not ok. So when I said it it was like reality slapped me right in the face.
I wasn’t ashamed, I actually felt some relief because its ok not to be ok no one is ok 100% of the time.
And I think that because of BPD, Depression, and Anxiety I try so hard to be ok that it backfires most times.
After my breakdown I tried to snap out of it, get back into my routine. That today, which is Sunday, I am still exhausted. I haven’t given myself time to process exactly what happened and it’s taking a toll on me physically.
I’m hoping tomorrow I feel better, or a little better. I just need to take it one day at a time. If not then one minute at a time.