Your BPD is not my BPD

BPD is a very complex mental illness, often times its misdiagnosed, and goes untreated. Which in return can make someones BPD a lot worse. But when one is diagnosed properly, begins therapy and/or taking medicine, one can begin to get on the right track.

When I was diagnosed summer of 2014, I did a lot of research. I had no clue what BPD was and I wasn’t going to stop researching until I figured out what was wrong with me. After hours and hours, and days of research, I had an idea. Then I found the BPD chat that is on twitter. Its a very helpful chat that happens every single Sunday.

Not only did I have a better understanding of what BPD is, I found others who have gone through the same things as I have.

Now don’t get me wrong, theres a small community of us who have this exact illness, but no two BPD people are the same. We can have the same exact symptoms, but we will react differently to the game situations.

Also everyone who has BPD doesn’t necessarily take medicine, or go to a therapist. There are someone who look to self-help (because therapy is beyond expensive) there are ways that work for each individual, the way they want it to work for them.

Which brings me to an incident that happened this past weekend in the BPD chat. The chat topic was about coping, and how we cope when we are feeling low. The chat was going well, I even took notes so Ic an try to apply them to my every day life.

When someone came in and mentioned they were feeling hopeless.

Now that word can be a trigger for some. It isn’t so much for me, but I empathize with others who feel this way. Well this person didn’t feel well, and another ASKED them to leave the chat because they wouldn’t use a trigger warning. Now while I agree with anyone using a trigger warning if there is a trigger word, asking someone to leave the chat isn’t fair.

In fact this can make said persons situation worse, if they feel they have no one to talk to.

After this happened the person who asked said person to leave became very defensive saying they were telling the other to talk to someone, go to therapy, ect.

Now in all of the months I have been on the chat we have NEVER given advice to anyone, because the advice can be detrimental to another mental health. We have never too anyone to take meds, go to therapy, try this or try that. We just don’t do that. Now what we will do is listen, tell our stories, in hopes that it can help someone.

The chat went completely left, and I was left feeling really frustrated. Because this person got very defensive and played victim (which is very common in the BPD world)

I used to be this way, about a year ago. Nothing was MY fault. It was everyone else, and I wouldn’t take blame for anything. Reading these tweets was like looking at my former self. I wasn’t mad, I just felt for the person that was tweeting.

With that said this post is to tell you that my bpd is not your bpd. What works for me, may not work for you and vice versa. You go to therapy, doesn’t mean I need to go. You take meds, doesn’t mean I need to take meds.

Everything doesn’t work for everybody, and I witnessed that this past weekend. A person tried to pass on what “worked” for them onto someone else. And in hindsight she thought this was a good idea, but in the long run it can be very damaging. Especially if you keep poking at the person, which is what this person did.

I would never want to make another person feel bad for feeling low. That is the last thing they need. Instead we need to listen, and let the person know we are there anytime.

Because all we want in that situation is for someone to show us that they care, not tear us down.



Published by

Kristen Iness

Mother Wife Living with BPD 'tis all

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