Its not you its me

I was just on twitter ranting (well not really ranting since I wasn’t angry) about how BPD isn’t about the person you’re in a relationship with. Whether its romantic/friend/family. But a lot of non-bpd people take it very personal. I get it, if someone lashed out at me Id most likely take it personal.

But what the non-bpd person needs to do, is learn how BPD works and why we react the way we do. We respond to things based on our environments, so non-bpd being in an environment that makes us anxious/upset we will lash out at them. Does that make sense?

I always encourage people with BPD to tell non-bpd people to read Borderline Personality Disorder for dummies. It literally dumbs down BPD and makes it so easy my 6 year old could understand it. It gives examples of how a non-bpd person responds and then how a BPD person responds. Its very helpful. Also a good book is Walking on Eggshells. I read this and it was like my husband was talking to me through a diary, very spot on.

The reason Im writing this post is because the whole “its not you it’s me” is 100% true in the case of people with BPD we act out, we cry, we scream, we call you names, we say we hate you, we want you to leave, and then when you finally leave we have the audacity to ask why you left. And get this this can all happen within an hour. BPD is that serious, and that severe. Which is why a lot of relationships with someone who has BPD do not last.

Im one of the rare ones. I’ve been married almost nine years, and Ive been with my husband for 14 years. Almost the same amount of time that I’ve had BPD. Don’t get me wrong there have been a lot of downs, and I mean a lot. Dealing with me is a workout, its exhausting, mentally and physically. Do you know that yelling for an entire hour straight drains you? Try it I guarantee you will feel like you had a workout and didn’t even leave the room. This has happened on several occasions, and each time unlike a workout, it doesn’t get easier

As I end this post, I really want to say that as hard as BPD is to have, everyday you wake up is another day you told BPD to kiss your ass, and to kick rocks. Every day I wake up I realize that I made it (sometimes barely) through another day. We fight, and we fight hard, whether its emotionally or physically. Either way we fight.

I hope this post was helpful. Want me to touch on something else? Leave me a comment



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Kristen Iness

Mother Wife Living with BPD 'tis all

One thought on “Its not you its me”

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