I wish I knew where to start, but I dont. This week has been one of the worst as far as my emotions go. Let me try to start from the beginning.
This past Sunday I got sick, a very bad chest cold. The thing with depression is that when you get sick, you get sick emotionally too. So everything is sadness, no matter how much you try to be happy, you’re more sad than usual
This week was filled with me sleeping and watching tv. I didn’t interact on social media much, I was checked out. I was completely done!
Now when I say done I don’t mean self harm. I was just a huge mess because depression is a fucking bitch. I want to punch it. That doesn’t make sense. But when you fight with depression all your life you want to fight back.
There were a few nights this week where I was just awake questioning my life. I tend to do this a lot late at night. Thinking about all the what ifs. It doesn’t help, just makes things worse. But what else can I do at 3 am?
There was a night I sat in the tub and blacked out. I didnt remember getting in the tub, I was scared because this never happened. I hurry up and got out, came to my bed and dozed off.
Ive been just so out of it, that I can’t remember simple things i.e when I go into the kitchen to get something to drink, I dont remember why I went in there.
This week has been beyond exhausting. I just want it to be over because I can’t go on much longer like this.