Unanswered Questions

I went to bed at 3 this morning and woke up around 8am. This isn’t the life. When did it become so hard to get 8 hours of sleep? When did it become normal to be wide awake after 5 hours of mediocre sleep?

I woke up feeling sad, and didn’t want to get out of bed. But I got up cleaned my entire house and participated in the BPDchat. But my head is fogged, I dont know why its fogged, but it is. Why is this my “normal?”

I would love to get up one day and know exactly what the hell I want to do with my life. Because as of now I still dont know what I want to be when I grow up.

How can a 31 year old mother of two, and wife not know what she wants to be when she grows up? This is a question I asked myself a million times yesterday. The more I asked the more depressed I got, and wondered, where did the years go? Why did I waste so much time on stupid shit, and not enough on important things?

I can’t go back, in fact I wouldn’t go back if I could. Everything happens for a reason, what that reason is, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll never know. All I know now is that I have to get my shit together, and do something, anything. Because like I said earlier, this isn’t the life.

-Kristen

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Kristen Iness

Mother Wife Living with BPD 'tis all

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