That day I went to the psych ward

Recently (as in this past June) I went voluntarily to the psych ward here in my city. I was in a very low place, and needed some kind of advice as of what to do next. Now this was my first time going, so I had no clue what to expect, but I was terrified.

*DISCLAIMER – I will not mention names (not that I know any) I won’t even mention where I went. The reason I am doing this post, is because I can laugh at my experience now. Why can I laugh? Because if I dont the traumatic experience will tear me down. So on to my post.

On June 20th I voluntarily went to the psych ward, and the things I saw were straight out of a movie. I kept thinking “Oh there is no way I am THIS bad” (yes I was but I was in denial)

After I told the doctors why I was there I was sent to an open room with a bunch of other people. I kept thinking “this isn’t like the movies wheres my room with a bed, and an open toilet”

No I was in this huge open room sitting in a uncomfortable chair, with a bunch of other people. Women on one side, men on the other. With about 3 security guards.

One of the security guards, I used to work with. Yes this was awkward BEYOND AWKWARD! You ever try very hard not to make eye contact with someone? This was us the entire time I was there.

After sitting there for about 30 minutes a guy comes in and says he’s Jesus and he’s there to save. Two of the guards came and asked him to sit down, he did but he kept talking.

As he was talking Im looking at the door thinking “can I bolt for the door, if he lunges this way?” Luckily he didn’t he calmed down after a while.

Some time later a guy was brought in for whatever reason. After he got checked in, he started repeatedly punching himself in the fax making his nose bloody. Im looking for security, because there is no way I’m going over there and risking my safety.

They took their time going over there and he calmed down, they eventually locked him in a “safe” room and kept an eye on him through a window.

The woman I was sitting next to was very quiet, she was probably scared like me. A nurse came over to check her vitals and asked her why she hate rat poison. I kind of tuned out the conversation because I didnt feel it was my place to know why she did.

This is what irritated me about this place. They just asked personal questions in front of others. So I just tried to watch the tv to not hear why she was there or what her situation was.

Later on the same nurse came over and the first question she asked was “do you still want to die?”

No nurse I dont want to die, especially not here. I told her “no I’d like to go home” Since I was there voluntarily I had that option. After 4 hours I went home. It felt like 4 days, I was so ready to leave.

After I went home I was emotionally drained, just tired. That monday I looked for a psychiatrist, and here I am.



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Kristen Iness

Mother Wife Living with BPD 'tis all

2 thoughts on “That day I went to the psych ward”

  1. What? They let you walk out after saying you no longer wanted to die? Here, they keep you 72 hours minimum and months if your psych doesn’t trust you to tell the truth. I’ve been really lucky all the times I’ve gone in, in that they’ve let me out after weeks. The truth about most of these places is that they don’t usually help. They take you out of public for a bit, then they release you with practically the same level of attention you’d get as an outpatient. I’ve been incredibly suicidal and I refuse to cross the line and ask to be admitted because I know all they’re going to do is lock me up for a few months until I lie to get out. The suicidal thoughts aren’t going to be cured by any amount of stress brought on by a hospital stay. If anything, I’d do it out of boredom. I can’t think straight when I’m in hospital. I can bring a book and barely read a page no matter how long I’m in there and your med regime is never good enough. They have to keep on adding and adding and adding until you just bullshit your way into getting released.

    I’m not saying that hospital stays don’t help at all. If you’re going to kill yourself in the next ten hours, then it’s always a good idea to check with your psychiatrist first, but honestly, they’re just putting you in a holding tank where you may or may not be able to follow through. They’d like to believe that a simple med switch will cure every ill when in truth, half the patients they release are pretending to be better so that they can get out of the sheer boredom of being locked up.


    1. I didnt have a dr at the time, which is what made me find a dr. This place I went to isn’t an actual “psych ward” per say its a holding tank to see if you need to go to a hospital. Thats what made me want to get out there basically. In the state of california, there aren’t many psych wards period, not a lot of funding thats why. They basically want to get you in, take your money, or get your insurance to pay and release you. They can’t make any money if you stay


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