Impulsiveness

In this post Im going to show you another symptom of BPD and its impulsiveness. Then I will relate it to my life to help you understand

Impulsiveness
While not specifically intending to inflict self-harm, people with borderline personality disorder commonly behave recklessly or impulsively. Behavior might include alcohol or drug abuse, an eating disorder, promiscuity, or reckless driving.

This has been a huge issue for me over the years, especially when it comes to shopping, alcohol, and reckless driving.

In 2011 when I was working, the only way I could get through a shift was to drink, and drink hard liquor. My drink of choice was Jose Cuervo. I would drink this stuff like water and it was bad. It lasted the entire time I worked there, all 4 months.

I had to drink to get through the stress of being around people, and just not wanting to be there.

I wouldn’t call myself an alcoholic, it was just my drug to escape from whatever emotion I was feeling, 

Now fast forward to this year, I was working, had some personal issues come on and I picked up drinking again. This time it was wine, I could easily drink an entire bottle in one sitting, and still want more. If I wasn’t working I was drinking, it was bad.

I dont drink nearly as much as I used to, but I do have a beer or a glass of fine a couple of days to week.

Now onto shopping, this is probably the biggest thing that annoyed my husband. Anytime I’d do shopping id come home with things I didn’t need. My excuse?

“it was on sale” “I don’t have this color” “I don’t have this style”

Money was always burning a hole in my pocket, so much that I ended up having my debit card taken from me at one point. I still suffer with this but not as much. I only do well if my husband is with me, and he has to go with me just about anywhere anyway because of my severe social anxiety.

Lastly, reckless driving. I had very bad road rage. It’s to the point I don’t drive, my husband has to do it. It also goes back to anxiety, its bad. I don’t like being out with people, so I drive fast to get to where I’m going so I can come back home and breathe. This has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older *sigh*

I hope this helps you, or someone you know you may think has this symptom. It’s ok to get help, I encourage it.

-Kristen

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Kristen Iness

Mother Wife Living with BPD 'tis all

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