Back to that place

My day has been all over the place as far as my emotions are concerned. I woke up not wanting to get out of bed. I eventually did, but felt very sad for no reason at all. I came down stairs and all of a sudden a burst of energy comes over me.

I love/hate when this happens for two reason

  1. I workout and clean and feel accomplished
  2. I crash like I’ve had 100 energy drinks

That’s exactly what happened. I took my meds but I could not shake this feeling, so I started thinking

“whats todays date?”

I remembered it was August 11th, and thought to myself 

“it passed…..my grandmothers birthday.

She would have ben 75 yesterday, August 10th. How could I forget? Ive been so preoccupied with myself and getting better and it slipped my mind. My grandmothers death, along with other things caused my depression, attempted suicides, and later being diagnosed with BPD. 

I don’t like being here, I hate it. I just want this feeling to pass.

-Kristen

 

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Published by

Kristen Iness

Mother Wife Living with BPD 'tis all

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